Updates from the New Negativity Group

Now, at AUM, we have three levels of mental breakdowns. These were measured and described by the NNG which has become increasingly active since the appearance of a new blog about the institution.

1) Severe Depression: The most severe cases are reported by The Meek and his close friend Doctor Invisible. Both are taking pills for depression and are not talking to anyone. They have also decided to not contribute to anything. Instead, they are using AUM wi-fi to apply for jobs and are trying to influence colleagues to bring AUM down. They are also two of the new sub-committee, working on ruining ABET accreditation. It has been reported that both have sent e-mails to ABET, describing in great detail how AUM “showcases” best students and puts on a shiny front when they get a visit. The Meek has been able to furnish them with a lot of details from his deanship days.

2) Moderate Depression: Previous business HODs and some of ex-HODs from Engineering, two guys in Math, three guys in SCM, as well as one or two from LAD, along with some ex-AUMers. They are beginning to get organized again and can’t believe that they have not been fired yet despite the warnings, reports and threatening talks in offices with only HR witnesses. A couple of them in LAD and business are working against colleagues to postpone their own firing. Everything they said to their HODs and Dean has been recorded and was leaked by recently fired HR personnel. It seems that a couple of people in LAD wrote very lengthy reports about colleagues. HR are now trying to decide whom to fire first.

3) Bipolar Disorder: This coalition is led by the rest of the LAD people, along with the Engineering TAs (who are active contributors to ACMAUMReview), and some EPP ladies. They all know they will get fired so, on a daily basis, their replies to HOD requests and Spiderfatty are generally in the negative. Their social media posts, on the other hand, are generally in the positive. Hence, their disorder. Some TAs have reported that they have been trying to get themselves fired by starting new blogs, taking example from what happened to Glinda the Good. We can now safely confirm that her two greatest contributions to AUM were the wearing of pink (and other funny colors) and the fashion of getting fired by writing blogs.

The rest of the AUM crowd are keeping it together by taking pills. The local pharmacies in the Egaila malls vicinity can tell you how often they deliver pills for depression to AUM.

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Author: Shenou

I have a job.