Living in a fish bowl 24/7 is the newest fad at AUM

Our reporters spoke to a few AUMers who were leaving for the holidays. They have reported that the newest fad at AUM is spending all of your day in your fishbowl office.

“It all started with my neighbour who had an informal contest with one of the new guys. They bet 150 KD on how long they can spend in their glass offices without coming out,” one veteran says. “I have been here for 105 days now, 5 days past probation, and I consider myself a real veteran. But I have not seen anything like it. By the next day, one of them had already had breakfast, lunch and dinner in his office, and the other had managed to find a way of napping without getting noticed by the cameras. They gave one another breaks to go and shower in the gym.”

“When AUM put the new glass offices up, we all hated the idea. Imagine the lack of privacy! Because AUM encourages innovative research, I spent several months researching my colleagues’ toilet-going patterns. As my transparent office happened to be in front of the men’s toilet, I had a very good sample of subjects and I could gather big data. We even have the technology now to treat this big data! And now that I have grown to understand them better, through my top-notch research, I am very thankful to actually be sitting in a glass office, rather than a normal one,” another veteran claimed.

“Indeed, transparent offices are proven to increase productivity, efficiently and effectively, as well as kindly,” the winner of the office-sitting contest explained to our reporter. “I have now mastered the art of using all adverbs favoured by AUM management because I can appropriately and professionally see the screen of my neighbour who happens to be in middle management.”

Recent rumors claim that the Provost has proposed a new award to be distributed to AUM faculty – The Transparent Office Excellence Award. It is to be attributed to faculty who have managed to sit in their transparent office for the longest period of time from one academic year to the next. We believe that this will certainly motivate everyone and boost their morale. This award will come in replacement of the university-level excellence awards as their recipients have, until now, proven highly unreliable and have for this reason been terminated with immediate effect.

Letter of Warning

 Dear Colleague,

I am a faculty member­ in the College of Bu­siness with a signifi­cant track record in ­my field. Today i rec­eived an official war­ning from #AUM HR for bein­g 3 minutes late. Tru­e, it can only happen­ at #AUM to respected ­faculty. So devastati­ng!  I am contacting ­a a law firm recommen­ded by my embassy. Th­is is not right and m­ust be fixed. Here is­ the message from my ­HOD:

Dear…..,­

We noticed your lack ­of adherence to #AUM w­orking hours policy. ­You are requested to ­attend a HR hearing a­t….

Kind regards,

/Signed: The Local HR Viper/