Resume – Guess Who

Let’s play a new #AUM game! The “Guess Whose Resume It Is” #AUM game:

Personal Profile 

I like fingers very much. I am a good Christian. Rosary round my neck comes off only once a year for purification ritual. That why me likes ties not. And my English not very good. Please do not attend my presentations/meetings. Very embarassing for you and for me.

Qualifications

None. Absolutely nothing. Yani, zero.

Previous Experience

  1. Something in Finance nobody understands.
  2. Tinder
  3. CFA: Collegially F****d A*****e
  4. Tinder

Current Experience

  1. Learning English. I say “hello” very well. Problem is I confuse complicated words like “prosecute” and “execute”, so this week I scared some teachers with execution. Sorry, guys!
  2. Utilizing more than one finger.

Future Plans

  1. Enforce 7:55 to 5:05 rule. Everybody in their office by 7:50. Quick check at 7:55. Everyone must sit behind desk and stare at screen. Otherwize considered late. Warning will be sent.
  2. Learn more English. Working on my R. Very difficult.

Biggest Achievement 

Invented the “No Change” policy. Also invented the phrase “What change? No change!”

Curriculum Vitae

Bassam Noaman, aka th­e Meek, aka Yes Man

Profile Summary:­
No profile anywhere. ­One might think that ­I am a humble person ­but fact is, I am a n­obody. To tell you th­e truth, I have no id­ea what I am doing at­ AUM or anywhere. One­ thing I am good at i­s following stuff. I ­am the best at this a­nd my IQ is 5.

Education:­
Very complicated stuf­f that I don’t get. T­hankfully, I was clos­ely followed my super­visor for a number of­ years till I got my ­PhD. That involved ma­ny embarrassing momen­ts.

Prior Experience:­

  1. Followed the road to ­school.
  2. Followed The Hookah M­aster to all the hook­ah places.
  3. Followed many other p­eople.

Current Projects:­

  • Following Spidefatty.
  • Trying to look smart­

Biggest Achievements:

  • Founder and inventor ­of the line following­ activity in the robo­tics club.
  • Helper in the most recent firing spree at the Institution. 

Resume

Name: Mohaned aka Spiderfatty

Age: unknown

Experience:

Past, present and future

Chief of AUMUtasi / AUM Ministerium fur Univarsitatsicherheit. Zig heil!

  • Responsible for overseeing faculty attendance
  • Responsible for checking faculty time spent in klosett. Schieize!
  • Responsible for firing dissidents

Achievements:

  • Got Sabine the Fuhrer to disappear trough repeated whipping with birch rods.
  • Got Florentina the Tough to get fired through repeated lashing with horsewhips.
  • Got Hazel the Bully to get fired through repetitive strapping of hands and flogging.

Future plans:

Create a playroom at the Institution.

Get Dr Yo-Man to lend me 50 Shades of Grey.

Curriculum Vitae

Name: The Hookah Master

“I like hookah. Everyday. Yani, It’s good.”

Objective: To get the accreditation done. If, yani, also we can to improve the exams. This is very important, yani.

Work Experience: 

From a young age to a few years ago

Some university in Egypt

  • Did accreditation
  • Got other people to put my name on their publications
  • Studied about my hobby the fridge

From a few years ago to present… (now, yani)

THE INSTITUTION

  • Getting accreditation. 
  • Getting other people to put my name on their publications
  • Smoke hookah, cigareeeet, joint, other things. Yani, I like that.
  • Like some people on social media

“My best friend and follower is The Meek Yes Man. I also like the Evil Witch from EPP. She is good, yani.”

Future Plans: 

  1. Improve exams by adding a few extra steps in the process.
  2. Try to keep job. It’s good money, yani, easy life. Relaaax.
  3. Get The Man Himself to call me to the Lady D’s office again.