“All our syllabi and currucula come from Purdue. That is why it takes so long for anything to get approved. It is because when you submit your documents, they all go to Purdue for approval.”
This is what AUM faculty are told every semester when they ask why it takes so long for someone to approve their syllabus. Many of the newly terminated people are witnesses how teaching for the semester began without a ready syllabus. This has continued for the past year. Faculty do not know if their assessments and material are approved. They show up in the classrooms with nothing to give to students but a few general words on classroom discipline and what the course is broadly about. All of them are told that Purdue is responsible for these delays. In this way, AUM undermines the image of Purdue internationally.
The Meek, ex-Dean of Engineering, used to tell us how “Purdue decides everything and AUM can only propose changes and then wait for approval.” And when confronted privately by our informant about this lie, he claimed “It is Fahad Al Othman who made me lie to you. I was only doing my job and could not say no.”
It seems that Fahad Al Othman called The Meek to his office right after he let the Hookah Master go. The Meek heard The Man Himself and the Lady D shout at the Hookah Master “you ruined this university”. Now, after we have all heard of the recent terminations and resignations, we would like to ask again. Who exactly is ruining the university? Is it not its own management?
Let’s play a new #AUM game! The “Guess Whose Resume It Is” #AUM game:
I like fingers very much. I am a good Christian. Rosary round my neck comes off only once a year for purification ritual. That why me likes ties not. And my English not very good. Please do not attend my presentations/meetings. Very embarassing for you and for me.
None. Absolutely nothing. Yani, zero.
- Something in Finance nobody understands.
- CFA: Collegially F****d A*****e
- Learning English. I say “hello” very well. Problem is I confuse complicated words like “prosecute” and “execute”, so this week I scared some teachers with execution. Sorry, guys!
- Utilizing more than one finger.
- Enforce 7:55 to 5:05 rule. Everybody in their office by 7:50. Quick check at 7:55. Everyone must sit behind desk and stare at screen. Otherwize considered late. Warning will be sent.
- Learn more English. Working on my R. Very difficult.
Invented the “No Change” policy. Also invented the phrase “What change? No change!”
To quote Soccer Mommy,
the little boys with their little toys
in Engineering have been playing at politics.
Today the Big Change happened and Bassam the Meek is no longer the Dean of Deans and the Engineer of Engineers with an apparent Engineering degree. At least the new one is a full professor. Remains to be seen how much he has his values in the right place, and how much he is willing to bend his back to ignorant narcissists.
The Big Change brought about other interesting phenomenons. Hefeida suddenly disappeared from the list of favoured minions. The Man Himself started writing emails in almost his own hand. Spiderfatty was seen riding a golf cart around campus when everyone knows this rarely happens. LAD have been gossiping as usual. Glinda disappeared this time for good. In fact, she was seen by our informants in Admin near the gate in the morning, begging to be let in. For the Institution, when you are out you are out for good. Take this, Glinda and your smartass positive hardworkers who got fired after years and years of loyal service.
The slogan “We are as good as our students” should be “Arrogance is our credo and narcissism makes us believe we are great.”
Bassam Noaman, aka the Meek, aka Yes Man
No profile anywhere. One might think that I am a humble person but fact is, I am a nobody. To tell you the truth, I have no idea what I am doing at AUM or anywhere. One thing I am good at is following stuff. I am the best at this and my IQ is 5.
Very complicated stuff that I don’t get. Thankfully, I was closely followed my supervisor for a number of years till I got my PhD. That involved many embarrassing moments.
- Followed the road to school.
- Followed The Hookah Master to all the hookah places.
- Followed many other people.
- Following Spidefatty.
- Trying to look smart
- Founder and inventor of the line following activity in the robotics club.
- Helper in the most recent firing spree at the Institution.
Name: Mohaned aka Spiderfatty
Past, present and future
Chief of AUMUtasi / AUM Ministerium fur Univarsitatsicherheit. Zig heil!
- Responsible for overseeing faculty attendance
- Responsible for checking faculty time spent in klosett. Schieize!
- Responsible for firing dissidents
- Got Sabine the Fuhrer to disappear trough repeated whipping with birch rods.
- Got Florentina the Tough to get fired through repeated lashing with horsewhips.
- Got Hazel the Bully to get fired through repetitive strapping of hands and flogging.
Create a playroom at the Institution.
Get Dr Yo-Man to lend me 50 Shades of Grey.
Name: The Hookah Master
“I like hookah. Everyday. Yani, It’s good.”
Objective: To get the accreditation done. If, yani, also we can to improve the exams. This is very important, yani.
From a young age to a few years ago
Some university in Egypt
- Did accreditation
- Got other people to put my name on their publications
- Studied about my hobby the fridge
From a few years ago to present… (now, yani)
- Getting accreditation.
- Getting other people to put my name on their publications
- Smoke hookah, cigareeeet, joint, other things. Yani, I like that.
- Like some people on social media
“My best friend and follower is The Meek Yes Man. I also like the Evil Witch from EPP. She is good, yani.”
- Improve exams by adding a few extra steps in the process.
- Try to keep job. It’s good money, yani, easy life. Relaaax.
- Get The Man Himself to call me to the Lady D’s office again.
Our swiping team has found the perfect find. User @chachadee seems active on Tinder. Available around and about Salmiya.