An Ex-Dean’s Lies about Purdue

“All our syllabi and currucula come from Purdue. That is why it takes so long for anything to get approved. It is because when you submit your documents, they all go to Purdue for approval.”

This is what AUM faculty are told every semester when they ask why it takes so long for someone to approve their syllabus. Many of the newly terminated people are witnesses how teaching for the semester began without a ready syllabus. This has continued for the past year. Faculty do not know if their assessments and material are approved. They show up in the classrooms with nothing to give to students but a few general words on classroom discipline and what the course is broadly about. All of them are told that Purdue is responsible for these delays. In this way, AUM undermines the image of Purdue internationally.

The Meek, ex-Dean of Engineering, used to tell us how “Purdue decides everything and AUM can only propose changes and then wait for approval.” And when confronted privately by our informant about this lie, he claimed “It is Fahad Al Othman who made me lie to you. I was only doing my job and could not say no.”

It seems that Fahad Al Othman called The Meek to his office right after he let the Hookah Master go. The Meek heard The Man Himself and the Lady D shout at the Hookah Master “you ruined this university”. Now, after we have all heard of the recent terminations and resignations, we would like to ask again. Who exactly is ruining the university? Is it not its own management?

Resume – Guess Who

Let’s play a new #AUM game! The “Guess Whose Resume It Is” #AUM game:

Personal Profile 

I like fingers very much. I am a good Christian. Rosary round my neck comes off only once a year for purification ritual. That why me likes ties not. And my English not very good. Please do not attend my presentations/meetings. Very embarassing for you and for me.

Qualifications

None. Absolutely nothing. Yani, zero.

Previous Experience

  1. Something in Finance nobody understands.
  2. Tinder
  3. CFA: Collegially F****d A*****e
  4. Tinder

Current Experience

  1. Learning English. I say “hello” very well. Problem is I confuse complicated words like “prosecute” and “execute”, so this week I scared some teachers with execution. Sorry, guys!
  2. Utilizing more than one finger.

Future Plans

  1. Enforce 7:55 to 5:05 rule. Everybody in their office by 7:50. Quick check at 7:55. Everyone must sit behind desk and stare at screen. Otherwize considered late. Warning will be sent.
  2. Learn more English. Working on my R. Very difficult.

Biggest Achievement 

Invented the “No Change” policy. Also invented the phrase “What change? No change!”

The Big Change 

To quote Soccer Mommy, 

the little boys with their little toys

in Engineering have been playing at politics. 

Today the Big Change happened and Bassam the Meek is no longer the Dean of Deans and the Engineer of Engineers with an apparent Engineering degree. At least the new one is a full professor. Remains to be seen how much he has his values in the right place, and how much he is willing to bend his back to ignorant narcissists.

The Big Change brought about other interesting phenomenons. Hefeida suddenly disappeared from the list of favoured minions. The Man Himself started writing emails in almost his own hand. Spiderfatty was seen riding a golf cart around campus when everyone knows this rarely happens. LAD have been gossiping as usual. Glinda disappeared this time for good. In fact, she was seen by our informants in Admin near the gate in the morning, begging to be let in. For the Institution, when you are out you are out  for good. Take this, Glinda and your smartass positive hardworkers who got fired after years and years of loyal service.

The slogan “We are as good as our students” should be “Arrogance is our credo and narcissism makes us believe we are great.”

Curriculum Vitae

Bassam Noaman, aka th­e Meek, aka Yes Man

Profile Summary:­
No profile anywhere. ­One might think that ­I am a humble person ­but fact is, I am a n­obody. To tell you th­e truth, I have no id­ea what I am doing at­ AUM or anywhere. One­ thing I am good at i­s following stuff. I ­am the best at this a­nd my IQ is 5.

Education:­
Very complicated stuf­f that I don’t get. T­hankfully, I was clos­ely followed my super­visor for a number of­ years till I got my ­PhD. That involved ma­ny embarrassing momen­ts.

Prior Experience:­

  1. Followed the road to ­school.
  2. Followed The Hookah M­aster to all the hook­ah places.
  3. Followed many other p­eople.

Current Projects:­

  • Following Spidefatty.
  • Trying to look smart­

Biggest Achievements:

  • Founder and inventor ­of the line following­ activity in the robo­tics club.
  • Helper in the most recent firing spree at the Institution. 

Resume

Name: Mohaned aka Spiderfatty

Age: unknown

Experience:

Past, present and future

Chief of AUMUtasi / AUM Ministerium fur Univarsitatsicherheit. Zig heil!

  • Responsible for overseeing faculty attendance
  • Responsible for checking faculty time spent in klosett. Schieize!
  • Responsible for firing dissidents

Achievements:

  • Got Sabine the Fuhrer to disappear trough repeated whipping with birch rods.
  • Got Florentina the Tough to get fired through repeated lashing with horsewhips.
  • Got Hazel the Bully to get fired through repetitive strapping of hands and flogging.

Future plans:

Create a playroom at the Institution.

Get Dr Yo-Man to lend me 50 Shades of Grey.

Curriculum Vitae

Name: The Hookah Master

“I like hookah. Everyday. Yani, It’s good.”

Objective: To get the accreditation done. If, yani, also we can to improve the exams. This is very important, yani.

Work Experience: 

From a young age to a few years ago

Some university in Egypt

  • Did accreditation
  • Got other people to put my name on their publications
  • Studied about my hobby the fridge

From a few years ago to present… (now, yani)

THE INSTITUTION

  • Getting accreditation. 
  • Getting other people to put my name on their publications
  • Smoke hookah, cigareeeet, joint, other things. Yani, I like that.
  • Like some people on social media

“My best friend and follower is The Meek Yes Man. I also like the Evil Witch from EPP. She is good, yani.”

Future Plans: 

  1. Improve exams by adding a few extra steps in the process.
  2. Try to keep job. It’s good money, yani, easy life. Relaaax.
  3. Get The Man Himself to call me to the Lady D’s office again.